My Blindness and My Clarity
by Midnite Angel Aeris
Summary: Takes place between the original GW series and Endless Waltz, this story describes Lady Une's feelings on her life and the man she loved.


My Blindness and my Clarity

My Blindness and my Clarity  
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris 

******

_It's strange how two photographs of the same person can look so different..._

A tall, slender figure stood in the dark empty room with two photographs in her hand. In her other hand was a withered dried rose; its lifeless state reflected the state of the room's owner. She found the photographs and the rose in the drawer of the fine oak desk; the desk that was once used by the man she so dearly loved. Now the desktop was bare except for a framed photograph of him standing alone on the desktop. 

She sat down on the chair, her eyes still staring at the two pictures. One was a picture of a woman with face-framing hair who stared back at her with kindness; the other was a picture of a woman with hair tied to the back who stared back at her with vengeance. 

_Two pictures...looking completely different...yet they are both pictures of the same person. They are both pictures of me...the two different personas within me..._

She knew the cause of her split personality was the owner of this room, the man whom she had admired and loved. Yet she held no hatred for him...she'll gladly split herself into two personas again if it would help him in any ways. 

She met him a number of years ago. Even then, he was a well-respected leader, with many followers who will gladly obey every of his commands. His dream and vision of the ideal world moved her. What she loved most about him was that he would do everything to make his ideal world a reality, unlike other people who could only dream, yet never dared to take any actions. 

She joined OZ and did everything she could to attract his attention. She performed every single task that was assigned to her exceptionally well, hoping he would recognize that she could be an asset to him. Her hard work paid off when he made her his personal assistant, a position that she had dreamt about ever since she met him. By the time she became his assistant, she was already deeply in love with him. She made a vow to herself that she would do everything to help him achieve his ideals. 

This 'vow' was the initialing cause of her split personas. She was so obsessed with helping him to succeed that she would do anything, even if it meant murdering or hurting other people. Without her consciously realizing it, she became ruthless and violent. To eliminate any potential barriers that could prevent his ideals from happening, she would gladly kill anyone. She didn't even care whether it was wrong for her to take a person's life; she was too blinded by her love for him to realize it. She wasn't even aware that what she was doing was disapproved by him. 

_He said to me once that I was thinking of my own ideals...it took me so long to realize that he was right. It was wrong for me to neglect other people's lives. We have to fight, but not in the way I was fighting. Suppressing the people can't bring absolute peace...we have to fight to encourage the people to yearn for peace. It took me so long to understand that, because I was trying so hard to help him that everything became a blur to me...I became so blinded...so blinded that I got lost in what I was trying to accomplish..._

She knew, deep in her heart, within her subconscious mind, she felt guilty for what she have done. A part of her wished that everyone would just stop fighting and live peacefully. This part of her became her other persona, who believed that peace could be accomplished without hurting anyone. 

For a long time, she lived with two faces, the faces of the two personas. She had forgotten who she really was. But even though she had lost herself and was too blind to know what was the right thing to do, there was one goal that was always clear to her: to help the man she loved. 

She twirled around the dried rose in her hand. _How ironic...He became both my blindness and my clarity...and when I finally lose my blindness...he was gone..._

His admiration of the Gundam pilots helped her to finally understand his intention. The purpose of all the fighting and battles are not to suppress the people, but to build up their will and strength. When everyone is tired of all the wars and battles, they will finally stand up for themselves and fight for peace. 

She finally understood, and everything became clear to her. However, she failed to assist him for long when she fell into her coma. But even in her coma, she still thought of him, and a sharp sensation woke her up when she felt he was in danger. She managed to save him from being killed by Libra's main cannon, only to see him die in battle a few hours later. 

_When I finally rid myself of the two personas, he died...I never even had a chance to tell him how I felt about him...I felt like I have lost my soul with his death..._

Her eyes fell onto the picture frame that stood in front of her. "Treize...if only you knew how much I missed you...how much I loved you...How I wish to be with you right now...but...I must stay alive. Everything is clear to me now; I know what I have to do. I'll live to preserve this peace you worked so hard for. I'll make sure that this peace will last, so your sacrifice would not be wasted..." 

She stood up, adjusted her Preventer's jacket, and laid the dried rose in front of the photo frame. Then she exited the room, tossing the two photographs of the dead Lady Une into the wastebasket on her way out. 

******

Author's note:  
There's my first Gundam Wing fanfic! I always thought that Lady Une's character was very interesting...how often do you get an anime character with split personality! And the split personality is caused by love! In a way, as crazy as it sounds, I think it's kinda romantic since she can even give up her own identity for the person she loved :) Talk about devotion :) Anyways, please send any comments you have to [lillymorrigan@yahoo.com][1]! 

My Blindness and my Clarity © 2001 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris  
Visit broken angel @ [http://www.midnite-angel.net/fanfics][2] for my fanfic archive.  


   [1]: mailto:lillymorrigan@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.midnite-angel.net/fanfics



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